Science…..If you know me, it is not my favorite subject. 😉 That is actually putting it mildly! But, in the case of infertility, I relied heavily on it. Tests to show me if something was wrong….medicines that are supposed to help…treatments timed perfectly. Science was not the answer for me. I am a planner, a doer, and problem fixer, but no amount of science has helped me become a mother. We recently finished our last treatment…our last chance to have science help us. The day we found out it did not work, after I was able to stop the tears from streaming and to pick myself up off the floor, I came to a conclusion: I cannot rely on science. I need to rely on God. That day I stopped taking all my medicines, all the supplements, everything. For over 5 years I have let my infertility control me. I have taken more medicine than even seems healthy, fretted over things such as too much caffeine or not eating “clean” enough. The truth is, I just couldn’t take the stress of it anymore. I have by no means given up on having a biological child. It is simply that I now know I tried everything I humanly could to get pregnant. Though I have always acknowledged and known God was in control, I still wanted to try everything I could to make it happen. That day I was finally able to let go. No more meds. No more worrying about this or that. It has actually been a freeing experience. Infertility no longer has control over me. It is not who I am. I will be a mother, whether I look down and see a face resembling mine or not. God will provide. God will work the miracle. It will not be through anything I have done. To Him be the glory!